


Happiness Lies In You

by Sephirate



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:56:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27580355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sephirate/pseuds/Sephirate
Summary: Malfoy is at breaking point. Harry notices.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Kudos: 71





	Happiness Lies In You

**Author's Note:**

> Short little piece I've written after learning more about "pre-suicide euphoria". This was literally written in 30 minutes and although I know it could be much better and longer, I feel like this is really as much as I can write before the themes start affecting me as well. As a person that costantly struggles with intrusive thoughts and suicidal tendencies, this is somewhat very superficial but I think all the people that are in the same boat can personally relate and deepen it on their own when reading it.
> 
> Not beta'd  
> English is not my first language!  
> Please comment! I love reading what you all have to say!  
> Pay attention to the people around you. They might be silently screaming for your help

Thinking back on it all, Harry almost missed it. It was a morning like any other of the past 6 months. Ever since the beginning of 8th year, the golden trio had breakfast together, talking about their studies and future, trying to work out the war and the losses they all went though. Another normal morning, until then. The sound was not loud, and the others did not even notice. In fact, it appeared as the only other person that had heard it was Pansy Parkinson, who was sitting right next to the source and was now looking at it as if it were a three headed dog. This, Harry realized, was the first time he had heard Malfoy laugh ever since 6th year, and frankly speaking, he did not know how to feel.

He and Malfoy never called a “truce”, but the young heir behaviour had dramatically changed ever since the war ended. He saw Malfoy once before the beginning of the year when he talked to his trial. He had looked deadly thin, pale and with eyebags so deep that he resembled a zombie more than a living, breathing human. At the end of it all, Harry had offered his hand and Malfoy had looked at him like a wanderer of the desert looks at a water source: with awe and terrified of it only being a mirage. They had shaken hands nonetheless and went into different paths until 6 months ago, when McGonagall had offered to all of those that had missed their NEWTs, the possibility to take them in a special 8th year.

So here he was, sitting and eating breakfast with his two best friends, and looking at Malfoy for the first time in 2 years. Malfoy, Harry thought, did not look much better than he looked at the trials. He still had that sickly pallor and his eyebags were a testament to the nightmares he probably suffered from during the night. Harry too knew of those and did not wish them to anyone. Seeing Malfoy looking so sick but smiling, did something to Harry’s stomach. He had a hunch, a weird feeling in his guts that told him what he was seeing was wrong. “He’s smiling, that should mean he’s better, right?” But the untouched plate right in front of the tall boy and the tremor of his hands told another story. Harry found himself worried and decided to keep an eye on Malfoy.

\-----------

The following weeks weren’t any better. Malfoy got weirder and weirder and Harry’s gut feeling grew stronger and stronger. He saw Malfoy laugh and joke about with Parkinson and Nott and Zabini. He saw Malfoy in the shared common, levitating his stuff out of the dorm. Harry had asked, “What are you going to do with it?” he thought Malfoy wouldn’t answer but after a beat, he heard a quiet voice responding, “I’m cleaning my room and giving it away”

“You’re giving your clothes away?”

“They don’t even fit me anymore”

“And your hairbrush?”

“Pansy said she liked it.”

“Why? Why now?” Malfoy didn’t answer that and just kept on levitating his stuff, shrinking it and putting all in its pocket, before walking away. -

\------------

Harry had been spending the last few weeks checking Malfoy’s location on the marauders map, until tonight. He was in the astronomy tower and Harry sprung out of bed, cursing every Hogwarts founder ever that had decided to ban apparating. He run and run until he was on the tallest part of the tower. There where he had seen Snape kill Dumbledore. Where he had seen Malfoy lower his wand again the older Headmaster.

“Potter?”

Malfoy stood there, on the window’s ledge. His back to the void where Dumbledore had once fallen into.

“Malfoy, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like? Getting fresh air of course. Now if you will excuse me, I really don’t want to look at your face right now”

“Malfoy get down from there”

“Potter, ever the saviour. But I don’t need you, you see? I don’t wanna be saved”

“Malfoy. No. Draco. Draco, listen to me, look at me. Get back here and we can talk. I’ll listen just, get here”

“I don’t wanna talk. I don’t want you to listen. I just want this to be over. The nightmares, the stares, the whispering. So leave me alone, will ya?”

“I can’t. You know I can’t and I won’t. Just talk to me. I want to help”

“But I don’t want you to!”

He saw Malfoy slowly move towards the edge and he ran. He ran towards him before he could move more and grabbed his waist, pulling him back into the tower.

They both sat there, on the old tower’s floor, panting and huffing and their hearts beating a mile a second.

“Why? Why do you always have to interfere? Why can’t I just die alone like I’m supposed to?”

Harry saw the boy in front of him, crying like he did in the bathroom before trying to cast the Cruciatus curse.

“Look at me Draco, look at me”

He saw grey eyes. Empty. Lifeless.

“It’ll get better. I know it will. But you have to want it and if you’ll have me, I’ll be there with you. But you have to live Draco. You have to.”

He took those shaking hands into his and squeezed them. They sat there still, the silence of the night surrounding them and Harry hoping that he could get through him.

He knew everything would be alright when he felt Draco squeeze back.


End file.
